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Of No Consequence
On Wednesday, Senate Republicans overwhelmingly voted to acquit President Trump. Although not surprising, the late night hosts lamented the fallout, saying Trump would continue to believe he could act without consequence.
“Trump’s acquittal is bad for many reasons. For one, it would have been fun seeing Pence try to figure out if he wants to call his wife ‘first lady Mother’ or ‘first Mother lady.’ But more importantly, now that his executive overreach has been sanctioned by the Senate, Trump is free to basically do anything. Trump is, in effect, a king. Not like King Arthur — more like a Burger King.” — SAMANTHA BEE
“Even Senators who acknowledge that what Trump did was wrong were unwilling to do anything about it. By voting to acquit Donald Trump, the Senate has set a devastating precedent. Future presidents can solicit foreign interference in an election; they can investigate private citizens. There are no rules. That’s not America; that is Outback Steakhouse.” — SAMANTHA BEE
“The only lesson Trump ever learns is that he gets away with everything: multiple bankruptcies — nothing. Multiple sexual assault accusations — nothing. He’s in perfect health despite eating like a rat behind the Bob’s Big Boy — nothing!” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“He never learns. The day after Robert Mueller testified was the day he threatened Ukraine and Biden. Tomorrow he’ll probably call China to see if he can give Bernie the coronavirus.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“He’s like an untrained dog. If he pees on the floor, you’ve got to rub his nose in it. And even then, he’ll probably do it again while making direct eye contact with you.” — SETH MEYERS
“He celebrated by calling Ukraine and asking for dirt on Joe Biden.” — CONAN O’BRIEN
“Minority leader Chuck Schumer said that, from here on, Trump’s presidency will always have an asterisk next to it. And Lindsey Graham will be there to kiss that asterisk at all times.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
Grit Romney
The only Republican senator to vote in favor of impeaching the president was Mitt Romney, and the late night hosts called out his willingness to go against the party line.
“Who would have thought that the most bad-ass Republican in the Senate would end up being a Mormon dude named Mitt?” — TREVOR NOAH“That’s right: Today, Mitt Romney bravely stood up and said, ‘I cannot handle another dinner with this [expletive].’” — SAMANTHA BEE“Romney was actually choking back tears as he explained his decision because — well, because he knows the president is about to order the space force to attack his home state of Utah.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yes, his faith compels him to vote for impeachment. And it makes sense because the Old Testament does say that you should worship God, not golden cows.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Romney’s decision took a lot of grit, nerve and guts. Incidentally, ‘Grit,’ ‘Nerve’ and 'Guts’ are the names of some of Mitt Romney’s sons.” — JIMMY FALLON
The Punchiest Punchlines (Tearing It Up Edition)
“After President Trump gave his State of the Union address, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi tore it in half. Tore in half! Crazy. Yeah. Yeah. Then Melania said, ‘Great, now do my prenup.’” — CONAN O’BRIEN“I will say, I didn’t like that. I think tearing up the speech was a bad move. She should have rolled it up and spanked him with it.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Needless to say, Mike Pence was very upset by this act of defiance against Master. He described it as a new low. I guess he forgot about the time his boss invited the Taliban to Camp David.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yeah, people were shocked, because when they heard that someone ripped one at the State of the Union, everyone thought it would be Trump.” — JIMMY FALLON“So between Pelosi and J.Lo, women over 50 are tearing it up this week.” — JIMMY FALLON
The Bits Worth Watching
“The Late Show” offered an exclusive look at how Pelosi made sure to destroy Trump’s State of the Union speech.On #LSSC tonight: Nancy Pelosi figured out what to do with the ripped up State of the Union speech. pic.twitter.com/Uv0CWdCPMS— The Late Show (@colbertlateshow) February 6, 2020
Also on the show, Jim Carrey made quite the entrance before sitting down with Stephen Colbert for the first time.
Comedic GIANT @JimCarrey sure knows how to make an entrance! Catch Jim talking #SonicMovie on #LSSC tonight at 11:35/10:35c! pic.twitter.com/EUpafane4g— The Late Show (@colbertlateshow) February 6, 2020
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